I wake glad to be starting a new project today, but not at all in the mood for chocolate. Unless wrapped in french pastry, it’s just not a breakfast food.
Through three full shopping bags I fish for the least breakfast-inappropriate option.
It only takes one bite to awaken the chocolate beast. The earlier reluctance disappears as quickly as the wrappers fly.
While I miss a hot drink with breakfast, it isn’t long until I’m sipping a mocha at my weekly coffee with Nan. When I decline the offered banana bread, Mum asks a little mockingly if I’m watching what I eat. “In a sense, yes”, I say, and explain my plan. Unsurprisingly, the parents are not fans. Specifically, Mum tells me to “get a life”. I resist retorting that people in gingerbread houses shouldn’t pour cold water.
After lunch, a low-level queasiness settles in. The same feeling as when you’ve eaten too much rich cake at a birthday celebration.
A half-litre bottle of mocha bumps the queasiness up to mild stomach cramps. I spend some time lying on the lounge, half watching a crappy movie. For a while I lie there doing nothing but smelling the steak my housemate is cooking. First time I’ve done that.
I keep catching myself looking forward to dinner. I want something warm, hearty, and not sweet. Since I don’t need to sit down and eat at a particular time, the rest of my day feels unstructured. Dinner, it seems, must be one of my daily highlights. I’ll save the brownies I’ve made until then.
Dinner-time comes and even though I’m not hungry, I am keen for the texture of the brownies. They’re tasty, despite being gluten-free. For a touch of dinner normality, I eat them with a knife and fork. And because a balanced meal is important, I add onto my plate Tim Tams and a mint slice. I’ve never eaten biscuits with cutlery before. Feels strange, though it works. This is, I imagine, how the Queen would do it.
Daily Kilojoules, Day 1
| Target | Consumed | % of Daily Target Consumed | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Kilojoules | 7,489 | 14.703 | 196% |
| Calories | 1,790 | 3,514 |
Food Diary, Day 1
| Meal | Eaten |
|---|---|
| Breakfast | Freddo Frog x2, fun-size Mars Bar (2), Salted Caramel (2), Flake (2), Snickers (3) |
| Lunch | Tim Tam (2); Freddo Frog; fun-sized Salted Caramel (2), Picnic (2), Flake (1) |
| Snacks | Cold mocha; hot mocha; gluten-free Choc Fudge Brownie; fun-size Snickers(2) |
| Dinner | Gluten-free Choc Fudge Brownie (2.5); Tim Tam; Choc Mint Creme biscuit; Mars Bar Pods; M&Ms. |
| Dessert | - |
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The rules for the Chocolate-Only Diet or on to Day 2, where a quest for more variety results in the funnest shopping trolley I’ve ever seen.
Although it’s encouraging to see that you are maintaining a balanced diet, I note that you have only seven different cacao-based items on your dinner plate. The latest literature recommends ten – admittedly small- different portions.