Chocolate-Only Diet: Day 1

I wake glad to be starting a new project today, but not at all in the mood for chocolate. Unless wrapped in french pastry, it’s just not a breakfast food.

Through three full shopping bags I fish for the least breakfast-inappropriate option.

Photo of breakfast on Day 1 of chocolate week
Breakfast, Day 1 of Chocolate Week

It only takes one bite to awaken the chocolate beast. The earlier reluctance disappears as quickly as the wrappers fly.

While I miss a hot drink with breakfast, it isn’t long until I’m sipping a mocha at my weekly coffee with Nan. When I decline the offered banana bread, Mum asks a little mockingly if I’m watching what I eat. “In a sense, yes”, I say, and explain my plan. Unsurprisingly, the parents are not fans. Specifically, Mum tells me to “get a life”. I resist retorting that people in gingerbread houses shouldn’t pour cold water.

After lunch, a low-level queasiness settles in. The same feeling as when you’ve eaten too much rich cake at a birthday celebration.

A half-litre bottle of mocha bumps the queasiness up to mild stomach cramps. I spend some time lying on the lounge, half watching a crappy movie. For a while I lie there doing nothing but smelling the steak my housemate is cooking. First time I’ve done that.

Fresh from the oven: Gluten-Free Brownies
Fresh from the oven: Gluten-Free Brownies

I keep catching myself looking forward to dinner. I want something warm, hearty, and not sweet. Since I don’t need to sit down and eat at a particular time, the rest of my day feels unstructured. Dinner, it seems, must be one of my daily highlights. I’ll save the brownies I’ve made until then.

Dinner is served
Dinner is served

Dinner-time comes and even though I’m not hungry, I am keen for the texture of the brownies. They’re tasty, despite being gluten-free. For a touch of dinner normality, I eat them with a knife and fork. And because a balanced meal is important, I add onto my plate Tim Tams and a mint slice. I’ve never eaten biscuits with cutlery before. Feels strange, though it works. This is, I imagine, how the Queen would do it.

Daily Kilojoules, Day 1

 TargetConsumed% of Daily Target Consumed

Food Diary, Day 1

BreakfastFreddo Frog x2, fun-size Mars Bar (2), Salted Caramel (2), Flake (2), Snickers (3)
LunchTim Tam (2); Freddo Frog; fun-sized Salted Caramel (2), Picnic (2), Flake (1)
SnacksCold mocha; hot mocha; gluten-free Choc Fudge Brownie; fun-size Snickers(2)
DinnerGluten-free Choc Fudge Brownie (2.5); Tim Tam; Choc Mint Creme biscuit; Mars Bar Pods; M&Ms.

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Read next:
The rules for the Chocolate-Only Diet or on to Day 2, where a quest for more variety results in the funnest shopping trolley I’ve ever seen.

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4 Replies to “Chocolate-Only Diet: Day 1”

  1. Although it’s encouraging to see that you are maintaining a balanced diet, I note that you have only seven different cacao-based items on your dinner plate. The latest literature recommends ten – admittedly small- different portions.

      1. For reals? Well to me they’ll always be differently pigmented but equally valued members of a great multi-coloured community.

    1. True that :-/ If any kids are reading this – sorry, I’m setting a bad example. Shoot for 10 small portions. And stay in school.

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